I didn’t feel good yesterday. That’s okay.

I didn’t feel good yesterday. And that’s okay. While I recognize it now, the real work is recognizing it in the moment. This is a lesson in mindfulness that I’m slowly learning.

Bad days don't go away with mindfulness. They are just rarer, easier, and shorter. It's not eternal bliss. It's a sort of equanimity - a calm composure in good times or bad.

I’ll take it.

My difficulties were minor, but the mind has an ability to find trouble when it wants to. After attending my first wedding since the pandemic started, I woke up with enough wedding cake in my blood stream to make me unfit to drive. And I was irritated by a lack of sleep, especially since I was giving an important presentation that morning (appropriately on mindfulness).

The presentation went well, but pre-presentation stress was compounded by technology challenges. By the time it was done, I was done; sleep-deprivation and stress met the feeling of completing an important task imperfectly.

As mental chatter was kicking up negative emotions, the positive habits I was cultivating through mindfulness also began kicking in.

Countering Cognitive Distortions:

On noticing the negative, I began countering unhelpful thoughts. Psychologist Rick Hanson has argued that the brain is teflon for good and velcro for bad. This is even truer in times of sadness. It becomes important to counter what are called “cognitive distortions,”- unhelpful ways of thinking. This is a basis of cognitive behaviour therapy.

There are a number of recognized distortions to counter. For example, your mind may jump to:

“All or nothing thinking” such as concluding if I didn’t do it perfectly, I have failed;

“Over generalizing” by unreasonably seeing a pattern based on a single event; or

“Magnification” by blowing things out of proportion.

There are a number of critical questions you can ask yourself or journal on to expose distortions. E.g. Is this thought 100% true? Is it exaggerated or irrational? Are there any other perspectives I’m ignoring?

These efforts were useful and by the end of the day, I was gaining perspective.

Deploying Self-Care:

A second key response was letting myself off the hook and making way for self-care. Instead of frustrating or shaming myself, I put my laptop away for a bit and launched into some proven approaches to self-care.

Practicing Mastery: Simple mastery can be a confidence builder, and a better use of time than moaning, so I did some laundry. At some point I made matters worse with an ambitious meal plan that didn't fit within the time constraints of a pending daycare pickup. I forgot the importance of dropping the A+ mentality and accepting B- in these moments.

Directing Attention: Eventually I put on Netflix. I was surprised to find watching movies a recommendation in mindfulness literature. Sensory experiences can help you put your attention on something else. (Think about how to bring a crying baby to joy - tickles, treats, or Dora)

Asking for Help: Beyond being kind to myself, I also asked for kindness from those nearest to me. While I try to not burden others with my shit, it can be useful for them to know when your resilience is low, so they can treat you with compassion. Sleep-deprived herself, my wife did her best to be gentle.

Sleeping Well: Finally, we planned an early evening. Like 8pm early. Fortunately our toddler complied. Cue heavenly angel sound effect. Sleep is critical to well-being and completing stress cycles.

Between self-care and countering cognitive distortions I pulled out sooner, and with less self-induced pain than a previous version of myself would have. It's not that it didn’t suck. And it required a persistent effort to cultivate positivity. But that's the value of mindfulness; not eternal bliss, but ease.

As the Buddha has said, “In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional.”