Learning to Lead
Leadership is hard, powerful, and learnable.
I worried a lot that I wasn’t a good leader. I felt too unsure of the path, too afraid of the obstacles, and too concerned that people weren’t following.
Ashamed, I hid the fear, which just made me feel alone. I had always wanted to be a leader, but now that I was supposed to be leading, I was afraid I wasn’t.
The pressure drove me to learn to lead. Fortunately, the belief driving my fears - that leadership is a fixed trait - is false. Leadership has to be learned. And feeling unqualified is the first step.
Most people only discover they don’t know how to lead upon finding themselves leading. And now, charged with inspiring people, they bury their feelings of inadequacy. A healthier path, I now know, is to treat the fear as a sign that learning to lead matters to you and to commit to figuring out how to do it.
Being unsure of what to do is a key step in learning to lead. Most of us are well into leading before we are taught anything about it. We’re called to lead because we’ve performed well as nurses, engineers, marketers, etc, not because we’ve performed well as leaders. And then it is baptism by fire, to the detriment of our well-being and to those we lead.
This setup misses the point that everyone can lead, regardless of their role or title, and it delays many from starting to realize their vision.
Worse, if leadership is inaccurately linked to hierarchy, and our hierarchies are built on racist and patriarchal structures, we are delaying the empowerment of those most limited by these structures, and most incentivized to dismantle them.
Regardless of when you come to it, leadership will be unnerving. As a leader, you courageously hold up your vision for a different future. The world will almost always resist this change, causing you to question whether you know what the hell you are doing. To realize your vision, you have to keep going.
Yet humans are poorly designed for pushing past reasons to quit. Our ancient wiring tries to keep us safe by encouraging us to conform to the status quo. With practice, fortunately, we can choose to focus on our “why,” cultivating courage over fear.
In pushing through the hard, you discover that leading is deeply fulfilling, and key to realizing your vision. So please lead. The world needs what you have to offer.
As you start to lead, a commitment to learning will help you along the way. As I started to lead, biographies of leaders helped me reflect on my leadership. Harvard Business Review articles were a gateway to academic articles on my specific area of interest - mindful leadership. Your curiosity will be a trustworthy guide as you deepen your understanding of leadership.
While “book knowledge” will help, it alone can not make a leader for leadership is as much an art as it is a science. (Even something as foundational as a definition of leadership is not agreed on.)
And so we want to balance the learning with doing - by practicing leadership. Spending time clarifying vision, and bringing about the resources needed to make it possible. Working to inspire people and staying optimistically committed to goals, even when that requires patience and flexibility. Being proactive when you want something - identifying paths to make it happen and consistently moving down these paths.
These are just best practices. Your “how” will be your own. Effective leadership requires an incredible amount of self-awareness and introspection, and a constant reflection on what you think needs to be done, how its going, and how you’re showing up along the way. Each step will give you feedback about how to improve.
That feedback can transform your leadership. Especially if you adopt a Growth Mindset - a belief that you can improve. You’re going to encounter all kinds of situations that you don't know how to handle. If you experience them as insurmountable challenges confirming how little you know, your vision and well-being will suffer. Take them as opportunities to breathe through the challenge, to learn, and to improve however, and you’re ahead no matter the outcome.
Finally, be gentle with yourself. Leading is hard and as I’ve written here, self-compassion helps a lot. This evidence-backed idea has three elements. First, treat yourself with kindness. Second, recognize that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience of leadership. Third, practice mindfulness by not over-identifying with your thoughts. Not only does self-compassion feel better, it contributes to the development of a Growth Mindset and to greater creativity in achieving your goals.
Leading is important. It's hard. It's worthwhile. And it takes a life to learn it. Best to start now. If you want to talk about any of these ideas, feel free to book a chat here.